Letting go and trusting those that I say I trust is easier said than done. It’s not impossible but it is hard for me. I recently came to the conclusion that I needed to release my will to control every aspect of my life in its complete entirety. I’ve known for some time now that it’s not efficient or a productive use of my time but out of habit I continued on. What is about doing something that is familiar, even though it’s not healthy makes us feel comfortable?
Anywho, back to my a-ha moment. I can’t recall exactly what I was doing but I know that I had gotten to a point where I was just exhausted. I was going to work and coming home but I felt like I was pulling a double shift at work and coming home to 18 babies. In the past I’ve ran around like a chicken with my head cut off, doing this or that and hadn’t been as tired as I was feeling lately.
Then it hit me. I was literally carrying a ton of things that I didn’t need to carry nor that I should have been carrying. I can’t even blame my husband because who is going to fight with someone to help them if they make such a fuss about doing it themselves. It sounds crazy now but I can remember telling my husband that I had it and that I didn’t need his help. Or I would ask for help but complain about the way it was being done the whole time so eventually no one wanted to help. It ranged from budgeting, paying bills, grocery shopping, kids homework, you name it and I was proudly being super woman. Foolish little women I was. LOL!
I’ve changed the way that I communicate with my husband. I include him on every single detail so that he is aware of what is going on. When I sit down to create the budget he sits with me so that we can talk through it together. I no longer worry about things like getting the oil changed in the car. He is more than capable (even more than I am) of taking care of the car maintenance. If I’m tired he runs to drop the kids off or picks them up from their activities. These are just a few of the changes that I have made. I still find myself slipping back into my old ways but I quickly check myself before I wreck myself. Reminds me of an old rap song, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself. Nevermind, LOL!
I am working on letting go of being a superhero. It’s not a badge of honor that I wish to have. I want to work as a team with my husband because I am so thankful that I have him.
Sending you peace, love, joy and light!